Saturday, July 11, 2009

Through Different Eyes

Three years ago today

I was living life the way I wanted to. My eyes were closed, my head was turned. I wasn't allowing myself to see the truth. I was mindlessly going through life, ignoring all of the "turn around" signs God was putting in my path. I had replaced God with something I thought would bring happiness. I took Him out of the priority position, and filled the void with an unhealthy relationship.With every passing day I felt further and further away from my God. I eventually stopped running back to Him because only in His presence did I feel convicted. Only in the presence of a Holy God did I see my sin for what it was. And I despised myself.
Although my self-indulged point of view brought me many tears and sleepless nights, I remained in it waiting for the day things would "work themselves out."
I convinced myself that my hidden rebellion towards God was a stage everyone went through.
I made myself believe I was happy.
But my heart was fragile, and at times I could literally feel it break.

Two years ago today

I was finding my way back to the Father. The relationship I was holding onto so tightly finally decided to let me go. After spending many nights sprawled across my sister's bed weeping and questioning God, I began to realize His best for me was still waiting to be discovered.
I learned that God wanted me to seek Him first, not just because He is a jealous God, but because nothing will ever be satisfying or fulfilling if He is not in it.
I learned to ask for things in His name.
I started every single day off with prayer and devotion.
In every prayer I asked for a man of good character.
I asked for someone that was passionate and God fearing.
I requested that he would be intelligent and sweet and perfect for me only.
"Oh and God... you know I love to laugh... so can I have someone funny?"
Yes, I even asked for humor. :)
Through much prayer and time spent with God, I began to love myself again. I began to see things through His eyes rather than mine.
God brought me through amazing experiences with amazing people and slowly but surely rebuilt my heart.

One year ago today

I was in Minnesota with one of my best friends. It was a hot humid day. He took me all over the beautiful campus of Bethel University where he used to go to school. We spent the day talking about life and things we used to do. There were strong winds and Tornado warnings that day.
He led me up the stairs in one of the buildings and in through the doors of a small prayer chapel.
The lights were low, the candles were lit and there was a water basin in the middle of the stage. He asked me to sit down. With a steady voice he read me passages out of the Bible about love. He reassured me of his affection for me. He told me what an amazing woman he thought I was. He asked if he could wash my feet. As he was washing my feet he looked up at me with his big green eyes and said "I want to get up every morning and serve you with this kind of attitude. I want to love you this way for the rest of our lives." He finished washing my feet and got on one knee. He asked me the question I had waited my entire life to hear. I said yes!

I am celebrating an amazing day given by an amazing God.
As I look back on these past few years I realize how much of a difference it makes to see things through God's perspective.
Our definition of "best" cannot even compare to what God has in store.
But sometimes our hands are so full of what WE want, we leave no room for God to put in what HE has.
We go through life trying to provide for ourselves and then wonder why we always end up with mediocre.
Its because what God desires to give us is more than mediocre, it is even more than good. What God desires to give us is great.

Mark Batterson said it perfectly in his book, In a pit with a lion on a snowy day,
"Good is often the enemy of Great."

When we live our lives the way we want, we end up settling for mediocrity.
But when we live our lives the way God wants, there is no telling what He will do.

So I urge each and every one of you to let go of what you are holding onto.
Lay it at the feet of Jesus. It doesn't belong to you anyway.

This isn't always easy, but I guarantee you its what is best.
Let go. Free your hands. Free your heart. Seek Him first.

And ALL of these things will be added unto you.


  1. Wow girl, I was so blessed by this! Thank you so much for your consistent encouragement to all us girls out there, struggling to know that we're beautiful; struggling to know that we're valued and worthful. Your testimony is living and you are being used in amazing ways by Him! Never doubt your impact :) Blessings on you!